Confession Part 1

‘Forgive me God, for I have sinned “

I was sitting in the confession box and now I now I have to confess all what I have done in my life,

I know at the other side of the box a priest or may be no one was listening to me, but I know I can’t stop , I have to confess everything which I have done in my life for I have sinned a lot more than what I can bear

“What is there my child, no one is pure, everyone committed sins in their life “a reply came from the other side.

“There were lot of mistakes I did in my early life Father, more than what anyone can ever do “I said

I was feeling like bursting out everything which I kept inside me for ages, for some reason I acquired lot of courage that time. I was feeling like I don’t care what anyone does to me I will spit out everything which I want to take out of my chest.

“Mistakes, my son is a very complex word it does not tell exactly what sort of things you have committed , you might have done something unintentionally without knowing its consequence or you might’ve done something intentionally without knowing its consequence “ the reply came from the other side

My mind was drooling that time; I realized why people come over here. The priest has a very comforting voice; it’s the tone which is automatically calming me down. I was getting courage to speak out. This was really bizarre for me but I didn’t stop.

“Father, what if there’s something which I did intentionally knowing the exact consequences of it? “ I said.

“My dear that is something out of the ordinary could you please enlighten me more about it “said the priest.

“Father, I don’t even know where to start, I tend to mess everything up every time I try to recall everything, it’s been years since that dreadful thing happened , I never thought that it would haunt me for so long , Every time I close my eyes I feel a chill inside me , I sometimes even cry unconsciously , forgive me Father but I never believed in spiritual stuffs I thought I am the master of myself I control everything which revolves around me , it was too late when I realized where I stand “ I paused for a while tried to recall what happened .

Fear ,anger , frustration , excitement , love , cry , joy all of these feelings were coming to me as I found myself in the flashback . It’s the house of God anything can happen here.

In the distant I heard a cry and then a shot. I turned around and found that it was the television. I was watching it while someone was offering his daily prayers outside. It was horrible all through my life I lived like an atheist . Did stuffs which people warned me not to do .

Actually it was always like I lived at the edge of risk only the fact was I wasn’t brave I was always like the person who wants to sly out whenever trouble comes into play .

At the other side I heard a female voice . I tried to see where that voice came from but all was blurred

“Promise me that you will always love me the way you love me now “ I tried a lot to think who could’ve said that but nothing came to my head .

Then all of a sudden I found myself …..(to be continued )

Glamour disaster

Hey get ready for some glamour.

This time we went to a fashion show in Uttara Club. It was called “Diba’s fashion show “. We were invited by the organizers. I wasn’t that much interested to go but my friends insisted me so badly that I couldn’t refuse. Previously I went to lot of fashion shows but suddenly I stopped attending. All my friends took their cameras but I didn’t.

We’re scheduled to come within 6pm but due to some easily avoidable circumstances we reached there at 8 15. I told myself “man this is gonna suck badly, coz one of my friends came from France and as far as I know he might try to compare contrast between shows over there and here, I was cursing myself for not bringing any cotton buds for putting inside my ears so that I won’t have to listen to his rubbish while he’ll say “In France we had this …etc etc blah blah “.

The stage wasn’t that dazzling we can understand that as the designer was having her first show over here. Well my friends had high hopes towards the models. Well the first cue was done. Trust me the dresses were not that bad but when u looks at the models. Like 2 or 3 were ok but the rest were in one word “disaster”.

But wait if you were there then u would’ve never said the models were a disaster for the show if you hear what the host was telling. That chick doesn’t even know English. She wasn’t dressed at all good or with her appearance. I mean why did they hire her on the first place? The way she was speaking in English, My God I was feeling she was raping the shit out of England. I can easily say that any 1^st grader can talk better than her.

There was lot of cues over there. Some were ok , The gown ones were pretty good , but then comes the “ gamcha( towel) skirt “ cue .I saw none of the photographers were taking pics of their clothes most of them were trying peep under their skirts .

That’s the female wardrobe thingy now comes the male attires. I mean come on, the attires they were putting on was no attire at all. I mean plan trousers with mufflers hanging around their body..cool for winter isn’t it?

Got nothing else to share from that show I wanted to avoid that part where my friends were howling for food . We just waited up to the end of the fashion show there were Concert n a Dj party too . But I was too sure that It would suck too that’s why we left with our food packs .

What did I learn from it ? nothing . What did my friends learn ? nothing . They were happy getting free refreshments , Well all of my friends took snaps of models over there . I only took the pic of the stage . Well that’s the only thing I am gonna share with u , not the pic of the gamcha skirt .

I know this article sucked badly but trust me the fashion show I attended last night was ….whatever I don’t wanna talk anymore about it .

Completely rubbish passage written by me while I was sad

Another day another beginning I have decided not to start this day with the same old phrase “lets see what today has to offer for me “ . Let me offer what I can for today. Our fortunes are not readymade it’s self made. We choose what we want to be and work hard to achieve it. It’s not a must that we’ll succeed always. But these winning and losing stories are what which completes our life. Some stories have no ending at all, its better not to discuss them too. Let it remain as an unfinished chapter of your life and focus ahead , coz even if u plan to stop ur life at one place just because something bad happened to u its ur loss , coz life doesn’t stop for anyone so it’s totally a stupidity to stop ur life for any reason . Live up Ur life till the last drop of soul stays inside u. That’s the way I feel I don’t know about rest of you.

What makes me different? Nothing. I don’t consider myself as an extra ordinary fellow , on the contrary I think that I am rather an unordinary guy who lives an weird life . Think about it, if people we’re asked if they were given a chance to live the life of anyone they want, most of them will answer they want to live the life of someone famous, rich, hot, etc. But I will be one of the very few to answer to answer I wanna relieve my life. Coz I feel If I could correct some of the mistakes I made earlier in my life this life could be filled with happiness. Perhaps then I might not be able to write like this as I would’ve nothing to share. Look I don’t want anything like most people want like fame n money. All I want is to be happy.
Remember I mentioned on the last note that one of my batch mates said no one likes like me. May be perhaps he’s right. I do feel most of the people don’t like me. I do admit I tend to irritate people a lot whether with my foul jokes or with any annoying problems.
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Last night I cried again, the reason wasn’t that big just some memories from the past hit my head again. It’s easy to say move on but it’s hard to even attempt on it coz if Ur really in love/ attached with someone it’s close to impossible to move on. I know lot of people moved on. I salute to those brave human beings but I am finding it very difficult to do that.

I do feel that this is the foulest of all the articles I have written earlier. I had no intentions to write this one. But when sat on my pc, instead of face booking I thought about putting up everything in words what I am feeling inside right now.

People who got hurt or failed in relationships usually advices u not to fall in love. But I am advising to do it . Coz the feeling to love someone or getting loved by someone is really amazing , doesn’t matter whether you get hurt later or not . I suggest u to live everybit of life with ur lover while he/she is with u.

How much stupid was this passage ?

Another retarded article wriiten by me while I was high...lol

Ahan….fourth attempt God this works …no matter how much do I try writing something big everytime I get fumbled up and stop writing in the middle thinking whatever I am writing is stupid .This occurred to me many times . As I was going through my old achieves I got surprised by the fact that why did I stop writing at that place . I noted down that I could’ve finished around 7 novels . All were related to the stuffs which were going through me that time .

Here are some of the best dialogues in those stories

“ Promise me that you’ll always love me the way you love me now “

“ It might be a little less but still it came as a bless “

“ There’s a God up in the sky , judging about those ppl who forced you to cry , never give up never lie , coz trust is the only thing which hold us tight , you were , you are and you will always be one of my best friends , supporting me from the day we first met “

“ Love is something which never dies coz it is taught by Jesus Christ “

Quite surprisingly I didn’t find any similarity of myself with the time when I wrote those novels , apart from the fact that I was also insane back then ..lol

“ Why am I writing this passage ? I don’t know . Perhaps I wanna make sure my proficiency in English doesn’t get rust on it . I think it did . Coz I used to write better than now 3 years ago . Actually practice makes perfect I was out of practice for a long time . May be that’s why my quality of writing detoriated
As I skimmed through the pages It clearly showed all I used to write was mainly about pain and all that . Disappointments were all over there . But through my own determination I managed to get pass all the tough challenges I had in life

I am standing up at the edge of the roof and crying out loud “ Yes I am still alive “ . I have no regrets whatsoever .

I remember one of my batch mate telling me that everyone hates me and all that , none can tolerate me , people are looking for excuses to beat the shit out of me . I just laughed , although I know he’s part right , people do hate me and all that but not everyone .

Over here in bd we’re being taught to be silent when we’re witnessing a crime . But who can stop me ? I didn’t . Once I saw some of the bullies we’re beating up a rather weak fellow for their own amusement . I was the only one in the crowd to rush for help . Even if I got beaten up by them I had no regrets , the guy I helped even that person didn’t show his gratitude towards me . But I didn’t care about it . I did what my heart told me to do that moment .

That’s some part of me which are still active. Lets see what’s tomorrow gonna bring for me ……

A retarded article of mine

I wish I could tell you the real definition of life. At one time I thought I know it but as time passed away I came in contact with stuffs I didn’t know before. Life is not easy nor is it that hard. It is not complex nor is it plain. It’s been +/- 7500 days I have been living in this world. There came lot of times when I felt that I can’t continue and all that but somehow I did. Lot of storms came and went through my life my I stood at my ground. If u asks whether I am happy or not I might not answer properly. At one time I might say I am happy , once I might say I am sad , emo , sometimes I feel so bad that I feel like bursting into tears . It’s something which describe my mood. No I am not at all moody; it’s not also that I am that much outgoing. On the contrary. Take an example I am inside a party. You might see everyone enjoying dancing and screaming and all that whereas at the same place I might be sitting / standing at one corner sobbing / talking on phone/ kicking the floor. There are occasions where I was the most active person in a party doing this and that entertaining everyone .I had that ability. Once I got a very good compliment from one of my female classmate “Anyone can make a laughing person cry but u have the ability to bring smile to a very depressed person‘s face”.

It’s kind of true as because I always tend to disturb those who’re quiet in the class. I just couldn’t stand anyone to b quiet and all that coz if my mom sees them , then she’s bound to tell me in front of them “ Can’t u see how polite they’re , u should b ashamed of urself for being so naughty “
I used to love being the way I was. Lot of people had complains towards the I behaved. But honestly I always listened to my heart. I didn’t care whether something would ruin my image or not I always did what my heart told me to do.

What’s the best compliment you’ve heard from Ur enemy?

Adi I hate you but I enjoy Ur Company. You a jerk but a very nice person.
I do admit I did lot of stupid things in my life. Some are so stupid its best not to name them. Until u guys insist me to. Some stuffs are really gross . Its better I don’t mention them .

Lot of friends of mine stopped watching cartoons over 10 years ago . Some can only name Tom N jerry . Some of them watch Japanese/ Chinese Anime . Look at me I only watch American cartoons . Like Southpark , Family guy , The Simpsons ,King of the hill, etc .

One more weird thing about me is the way I try to decrease my pain . Unlike others I don’t feel that smoking , drinking alcohol , taking addictives will do the trick . I eat a lot that time , finish nearly every penny I have in my pocket , If I am broke I rush home , and eat . I feel if ur tummy is full then ur heart will find less space to keep its sorrows and thus some part of the sorrows will vanquish . Is that really a bad idea . Call me anything u like but its true I don’t like all these smoking , drinking or living on dope.

I love being the way I want is that too much of a hassle for others ?